I am an idiot.

I decided to let my hair grow long, like pretty long. Like, I can put my hair in my mouth and taste shampoo long. It has got to the point that I can only comb it back now as I’ve developed a rabid hatred to having it flop in my face. I should really cut it but in some sort of sick sadistic experiment I’m letting it get longer. I began to notice my actual hairline for the first time. It seemed to go back quit a bit, especially at the two corners, Jack Nicholson style.

I convinced myself I was going bald.

No one in my family is bald. I am not going bald. Facts in this matter were irrelevant and I excepted the self made tragedy that my hair was falling out.

I researched anti-balding shampoo and found an affordable product online and bought it. I can’t remember the name but it sits in my bathroom as I write this. I started using it and after a week it began to do exactly what it was supposed to do. Revitalize my scalp and thicken my existing hair for a fuller healthier look, or something like that according to its amazon five star reviews by hairy sycophants.

One night while going back though some old photographs on iPhoto, I found one from years ago in which my hair was cut so short I could clearly see my hairline. It was exactly as it is now, exactly. Consumed by balding paranoia I was blinded to the fact that I was indeed not going bald. Hurray say all! Not quit. Have you ever used anti-balding products on a full healthy head of hair? All this week I’ve had to wear a hat everywhere I went as it was the only way to contain my now rejuvenated wig-like main. I’m not bald but I now look like a man trying to hide that he is under a mob wife’s fur coat.

I am an idiot, a hairy non-bald idiot. Shampoo worked great though if anybody wants it.