Ask Me Anything

Anthony found my music online and dragged me into his home studio to record more of it. Everything with Anthony was Awesome! My music was Awesome! Golf was Awesome! The chicken parmesan sandwiches from the deli on the corner were Awesome! I credit him with pulling me out of my long writers block, up until Anthony I had given up on music and any type of pursuit of creativity. I was simply working in an office and presumed I would be doing only that forever. Anthony had ADHD and found it hard to get any actual work done. I put up the poster outside his cubicle shown below.

Notice the blank screen.

This meant his boss and many clients were always complaining about his lack of productivity. I then put up a complaints box.

Complaints? Always!

Clients would often come in to sit with him in his cubicle to go over project plans or schedules. There was nothing I liked more than pinning up a poster or picture of something weird in hoping a client would see it. Anthony always spotted them and would pull them down throwing a tantrum – that’s not cool man! I noticed that if they were not obviously offensive I had a better chance of sneaking one in.

Spot the Hoff.

On a rare occasion, in the time it took Anthony to greet a client in the foyer and walk them back to his cubicle I could pin up a signed David Hasselhoff poster or two. It became a skill I was utterly proud of. I loved hearing the change in Anthony’s voice when he noticed the posters while struggling to remain professional. Most said something along the lines of: Anthony, thank you so much for the wonderful job you done at my house.

To Anthony, My Biggest Fan, David Hasselhoff.

Gina sat on the other side of me. She was an Olympic discus thrower. In between the Olympics she worked as a filing secretary, at least I think that’s what she done. She also worked out a lot and got me eating egg whites on whole wheat toast each morning for breakfast. Gina was, as Anthony would say, Awesome! We both hated working in the office and talked about pursuing what we really wanted in life.

Around this time I was thinking of trying my hand at stand up comedy which she totally endorsed. Music was going nowhere and even looking at my guitar made me feel physically sick,  until Anthony. She wanted to start her own gym, which I totally endorsed also.  Some days when it got bad in the office she would pop her head over my cubicle and say – Wanna let it all out? I’d agree and the two of us would walk out to her car in the car lot.

She would climb in behind the wheel and I’d slip into the passenger seat. We would both ensure the windows were rolled up. Then we would each take a deep breath and scream, really scream, just fucking lose it screaming about everything. We hated in here. Her large muscled arms popped out veins and her fingers dug into the steering wheel and I’d clutch my knees until it hurt. It was glorious, us in a car screaming together in a car lot. After a minute or two we’d sit back and chill, gather ourselves and then walk back to the office like nothing had happened. The car alarm bleeping back on behind us. It worked every time.  

Gina had muscles so I never messed around with her cubicle too much, although I did stick a cock on her little statue one day.  She didn’t find it funny.

Dick-Scus Thrower. Get it?

I lost contact with Anthony although I heard he got married and that his band was doing well. I’ll pick up the phone and call him one of these days.

Gina moved to Florida and opened a Gym with her brother, a professional wrestler. Upon hearing that my little sister was a huge WWF fan, Gina got her brother to send her a signed photo of him. Yeah, she was that awesome. The last time I spoke with Gina she seemed really happy.

I started doing stand up and continued with the music. The stand up became screenwriting and eventually storytelling. The music continues to be music and I love it now more than ever.

Both companies we worked for went under during the recession but all three of us are out there doing our own thing.

It’s weird how things work out mostly for the best in the end.

I still wish I had access to a car though, sometimes.